ruling the world
by matchboxcars
Summary: He remembers the way Elliot used to smell of determination, but now reeks of desperation. He remembers the acidity of Munch and the squalor of Fin, and he remembers everything about Olivia
1. Chapter 1

Cragen remembers comments on soulless children the way he remember the tast of bourbon, syrup and burn

Cragen remembers comments on soulless children the way he remembers the taste of bourbon, syrup and burn. He remembers the way Elliot used to smell of determination, but now reeks of desperation. He remembers the acidity of Munch and the squalor of Fin, and he remembers everything about Olivia. He supposes its because she's lying in a bed at Mercy. He was her next of Kin. He signed for her.

"Don?"

"Sorry Doc"

The man is looking at him with a mix of concern and inquisition. Classic shrink expression.

"I didn't think she could bleed like that"

And George just looks at him, and he doesn't meet George's eye because he's afraid he will see sympathy, or pity, or one of those emotions that he drank himself into blindness to avoid.

"Don, tell me what happened"

"You know what happened"

"I know what happened to her, what happened to you?"

"What do you think George? I watched one of my detectives get shot and then I killed a man while she bled all over the concrete."

They were silent. The sun was coming in through closed curtains and Don thought it looked a little too ephemeral, a little to surreal for the circumstance, as if it were supposed to rain for an eternity, or at least until Olivia woke up.

"Elliot tried to punch me"

"I assumed he would"

"Will she wake up?"

"And if she doesn't"

"I asked a question"

"We both know I don't have an answer Don."

"Why not" He stood in his chair, electricity in his veins and under his skin, he couldn't sit still, he couldn't swallow. George sat, perfectly composed, but it occurred to Don in the seconds that followed that Huang was hurting too. "I would turn in my badge."


	2. Chapter 2

He awoke from dreams of red and metal in a cold sweat, and, choking on fear, made his way to the shower, and then to the hospit

He awoke from dreams of red and metal in a cold sweat, and, choking on fear, made his way to the shower, and then to the hospital. Elliot wasn't there. No one was there. He took Olivia's hand, desperate for her pulse, his mind reaching for thirty hours ago, a raid that went wrong, his detective on the concrete with a bullet in her lung and a dead man not two feet from her.

"Cap?"

"His throat tightened, she was alive, he hoped this was the first time she awoke; he didn't want her to wake alone.

"No, no, don't sit up. Just lay there." He pushed the button to raise the bed and pressed ice chips to her lips. Olivia closed her eyes,

"Is Maya okay"

"Yeah, Liv, you saved her. Fin found her in the bathroom after you… She had a couple cuts and bruises, but no sexual trauma. We got there just in time."

She sat up, then faltered, he caught her halfway down and eased her back to the bed.

"Liv, take it easy. Everything's fine"

"Elliot? Where's Elliot?" her head whipped to Don, "Are you-"

"Olivia, everyone is fine. Well, except for Timothy Masner, he's dead. I killed him"

"Oh God, Don, I'm sorry, are you alright? What is IAB doing?"

"Liv, I'm fine. He's dead, and he deserves to rot in hell. IAB isn't raising a fuss. You need to rest.

Her eyes were on him. He took her hand and she laid back into the pillow, was asleep within seconds. He sat for quiet hours, staring at the veins in her arms and the tension lines of her forehead. She had simultaneously aged and grown younger over the years, grown sadder, grown quieter. Elliot had grown meaner, sharper, he walked a tottering line and Olivia kept watching his step, keeping him from falling. He lost one he lost the other.

She gave a soft moan, and shifted; He hoped her nightmares weren't as red as his, he hoped she made it out of this. There had been too much already, too much pain in her eyes, too many flinches when approached from behind, too many bitten lips and held back tears and hurt expressions.

Hurt expressions. Those usually came from Elliot lashing out, his shoulders wide and arms flying, and she, backing away with rage. He had a black eye from Elliot, he couldn't handle the man, he was a walking bomb and Olivia somehow detonated him every time. Elliot. Elliot threw himself into a flying rage just twenty eight and a half hours ago, screaming that Don should have had her back. And when Cragen simply stood there, he had found himself against a wall with a throbbing eye and Elliot curled on the floor, staring at the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

Life felt circular to Don. The women in his life died, the cops died, and children were sad creatures, even on Christmas. He looked through the window, and saw Olivia holding Eli, Elliot with a clenched jaw and soft smile.

"Elliot said she was going to make it."

"Kathy."

"She has to make it Don, it's over if she doesn't"

He wondered for a second what she meant.

"He's on a tight rope Captain, and if she doesn't make it –"

"She'll make it Kathy"

He turned back to the window.

"Elliot said babies do wonders for Olivia."

He bit back telling Kathy that babies only did wonders when they were healthy and well taken care of, not the ones Olivia saw, not the ones Olivia looked at and wondered why someone hadn't just left it on her doorstep. She would have loved it.

"Yeah, she loves kids."

Elliot was gone an hour later, and Fin and Munch had been by that morning. Casey would be in tomorrow. Olivia rested her head back onto the pillow, and Don wondered at her sheer aloneness, at the odd double standard. Had it been anyone else, she would have been camped out on the chair he himself was beginning to call home, not dropping by for an hour. He had seen her do it several times over. He shook his head, took her hand, watched her sleep.

It was George who awoke him, standing in the door with a vase of flowers and a soft smile.

"George" Olivia's voice was hoarse, and dry, and Cragen instinctively reached for the ice chips.

"Been better, but I seem to have an excellent twenty four hour nurse"

George nodded, "Only the best"

Huang put the flowers on her bedstand, next to another bouquet from Munch, and Olivia whispered her thanks before falling back into a drugged sleep.

"Lets go outside Don, it looks like you've been sitting for a long time"

"She's different to you"

"She's my best detective"

"That may be so, but as a human?"

Don looked at George, his eyes soft, "She has no father"

"I think she may have found one."


End file.
